I'm a size 8…why don't my pants fit???

I'll admit it...I am a collector......no I AM A HOARDER. There I've said it. I basically have a timeline of my entire adult life right here in my closets. Yes, a museum of sorts dating back decades and I haven't been able to part with it.

There are 4 closets in my house and I have 3 of them filled with my clothes.  One of those is a large walk in closet so that's a lot of clothes. It's a lifetime of clothes. Thirty years of work clothes, ski clothes, thirty years of fashion, thirty years of hauling that stuff from place to place. 

I also used to have 2 and a half closets filled  at Ron’s house out of three standard sized closets ...then his son moved in and I lost one and then had to cram the other half closet into one closet....I was pissed. Not that Andrew moved in but that I had to haul the stuff back to Nevada. Ron is so mean. 

It never occurred to me to cull thru the stuff and not haul as much. So I brought it all back here , hence 3 closets filled here and one at Ron’s. Total.....probably 40 linear feet of hanging clothes.

Then there are the shoes....I think I've gotten rid of maybe 20 pairs of cruel shoes in my adult life. I have shoes dating from the 70's to the present in bags. Bags of shoes I can't wear because I will fall out of anything with more than a 2 inch heel and break a hip,  because my feet have spread to the width of a banana boat and some of those shoes just don't fit. The rest of them are Ok but I have no place to wear them since I don't work and sequined pumps would clash with my hiking attire.

I am ashamed....but the first step is to admit you have a problem right?

I have given clothes to my friends over the years...that’s not getting rid of ...that’s a gift...I can do that. Culling and tossing is my problem. So, over the last several months I have attempted to go thru and cull. OK.....got rid of 18 articles in total. More to go....little steps. Every time I pull out a garment it brings back a memory of when I wore it......isn't that nice? Well......these memories date back to the early 80's and the MC Hammer shazzam pant is NOT coming back....not so sure about the Dynasty jackets and jumpsuits though. 

Anyway, I've discovered that despite only tossing 18 articles out of the hanging part of my closet.......it is next to impossible for me to throw away jeans. THAT’S different.

With clothes you can toss them because they are out of style and too heinous for the 21st century or because that color makes you look like a corpse or that bare midriff blouse will now expose stretch marks, moles ,a muffin top and god knows what else...I mean, at this age....you'd have to wax to wear it!

But jeans......jeans are about HOPE. They never go out of style...they go out but always come back. They may not fit now….but someday. It’s really hard with jeans. They promise so much.

I have not counted them but suffice to say......it’s a lot.  There are my fat jeans ( for my winter fluff out stage) my normal jeans( for when I lose those 10 pounds)  my skinny jeans ( for when I lose those 20 pounds and get back to my real self ) and then hidden in a corner .....my reality jeans ......all 3 pairs of them that actually fit.

I supplement my 3 pair of reality jeans with black leggings which are very forgiving. I live in leggings since anything with a waistband is as out of reach as my lost youth. Since summer is around the corner leggings aren't practical , too hot....shorts in public are not so pretty anymore, and skirts and dresses are great but only an occasional thing. I really need my jeans.

SO......I went on a diet....my 300th I think to get back into shape so I don’t have to buy any more pants….wear what I have…WHAT A CONCEPT. So far in 7 weeks I've lost 13 pounds, only 5 more to go. The best part about losing the weight is that I feel better but the best part is that I can fit into more of my jeans and save money!

The other day when I was in the middle of trying on all my jeans to see which ones I can finally wear,  I found a pair of Jordache  ( do they even make them anymore? ) and a pair of actual Levis from...oh probably mid to late 80's. They were size 10's. I'm  probably 6 pounds away from what I was when I wore them ....I am now a size 8 headed to a 6 according to a recent jean purchase . I placed them on the newly created fat pile. Then tempting fate and drinking from the cup of vanity I decided to try them on.

You know when you go to where you KNOW you parked your car and it’s not there. That momentary out of body, disoriented disbelief ? The denial? Well that was me in my closet with those damn jeans constricted around my thighs obviously never EVER  to make it over my ass even WITH an assectomy.

My little brain was saying...." Wait!! I'm a size 8! These should be too big! " I took them off  closed my eyes and then put them back on again to  see if I had fallen thru a wormhole in time and had never really tried them on.......same result. Then the horrible truth began to unfold in my brain.........size deflation/vanity sizing and spandex has lulled me into thinking I'm thinner than I am. In  80's  terms........I am a size 14.  This was cognitive dissonance of the highest order. My heart sank and my illusions of being close to "my real self" in jeans terms went into the crapper.

 I wanted to set fire to my closet right then and there but instead I culled 10 pairs of traitorous, lying, disloyal jeans flung them in a bag and they went to Goodwill. Cathartic…. All is right with the world now.....there is nothing in my jean piles that conflicts with my size delusion.
5 more pounds and I'm a size 6!